Improve Your Self-Esteem: 12 ways that Actually Worked for Me
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
— Buddha
How you see and feel about yourself matters more than anything.
Having a strong sense of who you are, believing in what you do, and caring for yourself are things many people lack these days.
I notice this when I read the newspaper each month.
I see it every week in the number of people who sign up for my Self-Esteem Course. Even after almost two years, it’s still the most popular one I offer.
I hear about it in my inbox almost daily. People write to me about their struggles.
Why is it so important to build and keep good self-esteem?
Life feels easier and lighter.
When you start to like or love yourself more, simple things don’t feel so hard.
You stop turning small problems into big ones. You don’t tear yourself down over little mistakes or chase some perfect idea that no one can reach.
You feel more steady inside.
As your opinion of yourself grows, you won’t chase after praise or approval from others as much.
You feel less desperate for attention, and your mood doesn’t swing up and down every time someone says something about you.
You stop getting in your own way.
Most of the time, we stand in our own path. When your self-esteem rises, you feel you deserve good things.
You go after them with more energy. And when you get them, you’re less likely to doubt yourself or ruin things without knowing it.
You become easier to be around.
When you Improve Your Self-Esteem, you enjoy all these benefits. You feel more steady, handle hard times better, and don’t cling to people for reassurance.
Spending time with you feels simpler, calmer, and less tense. Small issues don’t blow up into big fights.
This makes you more appealing in any relationship—whether it’s with a friend, co-worker, or partner.
You feel happier.
That’s been true for me, and it’s why I care so much about self-esteem. I work on it every day because it has brought me more joy.
Those are some of the main reasons why it matters.
But how do you Improve Your Self-Esteem in a real way?
Today, I want to share 12 of the most helpful tips and habits I’ve used to build and protect my own self-esteem, even when life gets rough.
1. Notice Your Self-Talk
I used to tell myself I was a failure if I made one mistake.
I thought that if I wasn’t perfect, nothing I did mattered.
But when I started to notice those harsh words, I realized I would never say them to a friend.
So, I began to catch those thoughts.
When I heard them in my mind, I said, “That’s not true,” or “I don’t have to talk to myself this way.”
The more I practiced, the kinder my voice became.
2. Keep Promises to Yourself
Every time I broke a promise to myself, like skipping a walk or quitting a goal, I felt worse.
I decided to set small goals I knew I could finish.
I told myself, “I will walk for ten minutes,” and then I did it.
Each promise kept made me trust myself a little more.
It’s better to start small than to keep letting yourself down.
3. Write Down What You Like About Yourself
One day, I wrote a list of things I liked about me.
At first, it felt silly.
But as I wrote, I started to feel proud.
Maybe it was my sense of humor or the way I help my friends.
I still keep that list in my journal and read it when I feel low.
It reminds me I have good qualities, even on hard days.
4. Be Careful Who You Spend Time With
I didn’t notice how much people around me shaped how I felt.
If someone always pointed out what was wrong, I started to believe them.
So, I began to spend time with people who were kind and honest.
Being around people who lift you up makes it easier to feel good about yourself.
You deserve friends who respect you.
5. Take Care of Your Body
When I ignored my health, my mood got worse.
I would eat junk food, stay up too late, and sit all day.
It was hard to feel confident when I felt tired and heavy.
So I started small—drinking more water, stretching, and eating better meals.
Taking care of my body helped my mind feel stronger, too.
6. Try New Things
I used to think I had to be good at everything the first time.
But trying something new is brave, even if you fail.
I signed up for a painting class, and my first piece looked awful.
But I felt proud because I tried.
Each time I did something different, my confidence grew.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be willing to try.
7. Say No When You Need To
I always said yes because I didn’t want to upset anyone.
But every time I said yes when I meant no, I felt small.
It took practice, but I learned to say, “I can’t do that,” or “That doesn’t work for me.”
Each time I spoke up, I felt stronger.
Respecting my limits showed me I mattered, too.
8. Let Go of Old Mistakes
I carried guilt for years over things I couldn’t change.
I replayed old moments and wished I had done better.
But holding on to the past kept me stuck.
So I started to tell myself, “I did the best I could with what I knew.”
I learned to forgive myself, and little by little, the shame lost its power.
9. Focus on What You Can Control
I used to worry about what everyone thought of me.
I wanted everyone to like me all the time.
But I can’t control other people’s opinions.
So I focused on what I could do—being honest, kind, and doing my best.
When I stopped chasing approval, I felt more at peace.
10. Be Patient with Yourself
I wanted to Improve Your Self-Esteem overnight.
But it doesn’t work that way.
It takes time to build a new way of thinking.
Some days I felt proud, and other days I slipped back into old habits.
I learned that being patient with myself was part of the process.
You deserve the same patience and care.
11. Celebrate Small Wins
I used to wait for big moments to feel good about myself.
But I learned that small wins matter just as much.
When I finished a project or cleaned my home, I paused to feel proud.
Even getting out of bed on a hard day counts as a win.
Those little moments add up and remind you that you’re moving forward.
12. Keep Learning About Yourself
Self-esteem isn’t a place you reach and then stop.
It’s something you keep working on.
I still read books, listen to talks, and write in my journal.
The more I learn about myself, the more I understand what helps me feel strong.
Your story matters, and every day is a chance to learn and grow.
I hope these ideas help you the way they helped me.
You don’t have to change everything at once.
Pick one or two that feel right and start there.
When you show yourself care and respect, you begin to believe you deserve good things.
And you do.
