How To Be More Secure In Yourself – 10 Ways To Fight Insecurities
It’s hard to feel confident in a world that constantly pushes you to compare yourself to others.
Everywhere you look, someone seems smarter, better looking, more successful, or just… more.
That pressure builds fast.
And before you know it, you start to question yourself.
You feel like you’re not enough.
You worry what people think.
You doubt your own value.
I’ve been there too.
But here’s what I’ve learned—feeling secure isn’t just for people who “have it all together.”
It’s not something you’re either born with or not.
It’s something you can build.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You just need to shift your focus.
You can learn how to be more secure in your own skin, even if you’re used to second-guessing everything about yourself.
Your insecurities don’t come from other people.
They come from the stories you tell yourself.
And that’s good news—because you have the power to change that story.
How Do You Know If You’re Feeling Insecure?
Insecurity doesn’t look the same for everyone.
It’s not always loud or obvious.
Sometimes, it hides behind habits we don’t notice.
I still deal with it in my own way, even now.
But I’ve gotten better at spotting it when it shows up.
Here are some signs I’ve seen in myself and others:
- You have a hard time setting or keeping boundaries
- You take things personally, even when they’re not about you
- You react strongly to small things
- You get jealous of others, even when you don’t want to
- You question whether people really care about you
- You often doubt your own abilities
- You rely on others to make you feel good about yourself
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
It’s tough stuff.
But the truth is—change is possible.
You can teach your brain to feel safe in who you are.
You can learn how to trust yourself again.
And you don’t need a huge transformation to start.
How To Be More Secure And Happy With Yourself
1. I Stopped Apologizing for Everything
I used to say “sorry” for things that didn’t need an apology.
Running a little late.
Asking a question.
Just existing, honestly.
But after a while, I realized I was using “sorry” as a way to make myself smaller.
Like I didn’t deserve space or time or attention.
Now, I pause before I say it.
If I truly made a mistake, I own it.
But if I’m just being human, I don’t shrink myself anymore.
2. I Learned To Say “No” Without Explaining Myself
This one took a while.
I used to feel guilty for turning things down.
I’d make up excuses or over-explain, just so people wouldn’t be mad.
But here’s the truth:
You don’t have to do things that drain you just to keep others comfortable.
Saying “no” is part of being secure.
Now I say it calmly, with kindness, and without guilt.
And guess what?
People got used to it.
3. I Let Go of the Need To Be Liked by Everyone
There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t get you.
And that’s okay.
I used to twist myself into knots trying to be liked by everyone—friends, coworkers, even strangers.
But it wore me out.
Now I remind myself: I’m not for everyone.
And everyone isn’t for me.
I’d rather be real and liked by a few than fake and accepted by many.
4. I Started Noticing My Wins
I was great at pointing out what I did wrong.
But I never gave myself credit for what I did right.
That kept me stuck.
Now, every day, I make it a point to notice one thing I did well.
Even if it’s small—like handling stress better, speaking up in a tough moment, or just being kind when I could’ve snapped.
That quiet self-recognition builds security slowly but surely.
5. I Stopped Comparing My Life To Everyone Else’s
Comparison made me feel like I was always behind.
Behind in success.
Behind in love.
Behind in looks.
But I realized I was comparing my real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
So I unfollowed the accounts that made me feel like trash.
I stopped asking, “Why not me?” and started focusing on what I actually wanted.
My path is mine.
And yours is yours.
That truth changed everything for me.
6. I Practiced Saying What I Really Thought
I used to nod along even when I disagreed.
I didn’t want to make waves.
But deep down, I felt fake.
Like I wasn’t really showing up.
So I started speaking my mind—honestly but kindly.
It felt awkward at first.
But over time, I saw that people respected me more when I showed up as me, not some version I thought they wanted.
7. I Treated My Inner Voice Like a Friend
The way I used to talk to myself?
I’d never say that stuff to someone I love.
“You’re not good enough.”
“Why’d you do that?”
“Everyone thinks you’re a mess.”
It was brutal.
So I started changing that voice.
Not with fake pep talks.
Just with kindness.
I talked to myself the way I’d talk to a close friend.
And slowly, that helped me feel more grounded, even when I messed up.
8. I Stopped Waiting To Feel “Ready”
I thought secure people always felt confident before they acted.
Nope.
They just did the thing anyway.
So I started doing stuff scared.
Joining the class.
Having the hard conversation.
Putting myself out there.
And every time I survived something I thought I couldn’t, my confidence grew.
You don’t have to be fearless to be secure.
You just have to stop letting fear make all your choices.
9. I Paid Attention To Who I Was Around
Some people made me feel like I had to shrink.
Or prove myself.
Or pretend.
Others made me feel safe just being me.
So I started noticing that.
And I started choosing better.
You don’t have to cut everyone out.
But you can protect your peace.
Security isn’t built in isolation.
It’s built in good company.
10. I Gave Myself Permission To Grow
I thought I had to be “secure” all the time to be doing it right.
But now I know—this is a practice, not a finish line.
Some days I feel solid.
Other days I slip back into old patterns.
And that’s okay.
What matters is that I keep showing up.
Keep learning.
Keep being real with myself.
Security isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about being honest, patient, and kind with yourself while you grow.
One Last Thing
If you’re still figuring out how to be more secure, start small.
Pick one thing from this list.
Try it for a few days.
See how it feels.
Then try another.
You don’t have to change your whole life overnight.
You just have to start treating yourself like you matter.
Because you do.
And the more you believe that, the less you’ll need the world to prove it to you.
